“You’ll be surprised with how much inner strength you have”

I don’t think you ever stop needing your Mum.

All I want right now is for her to hold me and let me cry, and to tell me everything will be okay. To fix my pain. She’s always been able to do that. And this is the worst pain I have ever felt. But I can’t tell her about it. 

And in 5 days I’m going to have to leave her again. I’m going to have to leave everyone. And its hard because I know here that I have unconditional love and support. Its like I’m leaving every thing and every one that holds me together and keeps me strong and gives me love and protection for the one person that absolutely shattered me. I’m leaving the people that have always been there for me, for the person that really wasn’t. That’s not logical, is it? 

But I guess its just one those risks in life we have to take. And its a risk I’m willing to take. Maybe, hopefully, everything will work out and my heart will heal and we’ll have happily ever after.

I know that whatever happens, I will always have my family. They will always be there for me. And its only a short time. Before we know it I’ll be home again, bickering with them all.

These are just last minute fears taking over me. 

Its my Mum, mainly though. I mean, she’s my mum.

She’s the one I’d read with after school, and fall asleep next to. She’s the one that would just hold me and talk to me and make me feel better about whatever was troubling me. She’s the one who put a hot water bottle in my bed one day after school when I had serious chills in my sleep. She’s one of the best people I know, and it sucks that in the past few years we’ve been arguing a lot, but I love her so much and I don’t want to leave her. 

I just want my Mum. 

3 months ago  /  1 note